Directionless
road trip
the car is on neutral
take a ride, let it glide
nothing to wish for
no symmetric time
to make this better
give me bliss
something to miss
or someone to kiss
everything, anything
pass me a compass
give me a point
somewhere to go
something to see
someone to be
Tired of being free

spirals and stars

you fall in spirals
you burn in stars
the mist from your mouth
clouds your scars

the elegance
your natural grace
your outward beauty
it's all a waste

you put out self hatred
but deep inside
your narcissism
is hard to hide

you fall in spirals
you burn in stars
the mist from your mouth
clouds your scars

it's true you don't care
it's true that i did
your indifference
abusive.

you watched me shudder
you watched me tear
your fingers twisted
me beyond repair

you fall in spirals
you burn in stars
the mist from your mouth
clouds your scars

you fall in spirals
you burn in stars
your indifference
broke my heart.

mirror

not so easily broken this time,

or else fake it better

trying to intimidate my wide-eyed reflection.

don't you dare cry

wish i could

i want a normal human reaction

i don't know what i think anymore

i shoved away the apathy

and now hesitant words split my heart.

won't be so easily broken again

but i still want to feel.

please let me be happy for once.

oop boop boop

i stopped myself, be proud of me.

i texted him, be angry.

i cleared my head so i can see

haven't called you back, i'm sorry.

bye

it still makes me tremble to talk to you.

i don't know if i forgive you:

where is my apology,

where is my acknowledgement?

you have not paid your dues

but time rushes by

and i'm done dwelling.

They tell me to stop
To turn away and kept walking
To stop trying to say hello
to the person who I see you as
and start seeing the person
that they deem as hopeless
But if only it was that easy
If I could stop caring I would
but it's not for us to decide
You hurt me more than anyone
You've given me more scars
More reasons to hate
More reasons to scream
than I thought were imaginable
But you also make me the happiest
Don't ask why
If I knew I would let you know
But I don't and I can't stop
Why do I care so much
If nothing even had happened,
how can it feel like I lost everything
So don't tell me to stop
Don't tell me to move on
Because I've tried many times
But I can't seem to let you go

Burn the memories, then burn the ashes
Not a speck left of those terrible lashes

Keep your head forward, hide the tears
Keep your chin up as mascara smears

Hold onto your chest, secured with a pin
Your heart is shattered and caving in

Scowl in mind, disguised with a smile
Love turned to shame, disgusting and vile

Ball up your fists, screaming in rage
Your body is numb, heart not engaged

Give one last look, salt in the wound
Know it's all over, but finished too soon

Get shelter from friends, accept their embrace
But you'll never get over that it all went to waste

Don't try to explain it, you never will know
Just know that the scars will always still show

apology

you make me smile till my cheeks hurt
you make me laugh until i ache
your whispered words make me shiver
then you hold me while i shake

you promise not to hurt me
your bright eyes say it's true
but i don't understand it
how i can't be in love with you.

he hangs there like a shadow
songs stab my chest to hear
i'm scared to death i'll hurt you
that i won't feel that way again

not for you
not when it counts.
not when a great person
actually loves me back.

i'm
so
sorry.

A Heart and an Ice Pick

Ignorantly
I shelled my heart
A layer of ice
Protected it from emotion
From pain and happiness
And like deja vu
You picked up your ice pick
and hacked away
And if your pick wasn't enough
your smile helped
warming my heart
melting the ice
But you don't even know
You can't tell what you're doing
It's a part of us that we can't control
We can't stop it
We're both stuck and tangled
And so my heart was warmed
but the pick went to deep
My heart is wounded
the blood never ceasing
You beat life into me again
A life I wanted to spend with you
A life you didn't know you had saved
A life that you would waste
And a heart that was protected
specifically from you
is now raw and deformed
an open wound
one that you will never fill
as much as I wish you would