there are so few signs of you left and
i feel everything breaking
all the walls are being beaten down
smashing crumbling falling
one by one and it’s leaving me
ill and exposed
vulnerable in a way i swore i’d never
i didn’t want to be like this again.
i don’t want to let you break my heart
i don’t want to hate you
i don’t want to let you let me go
there isn’t much
i can’t do a thing to make this any different
i haven’t let it matter but it
drains me you know? it is
draining to talk to people who are
well i just want it back i just want
best friends, you know, your
definition sucks, i don’t like this
i don’t much care for it
i want nights on the phone and days spent together
that is reasonable
i don’t like this distance, what the hell
is it all changing for.
fuck you, you are hurting me
and you promised you promised baby you promised
WHY the question bursts from my lips and struggles against my tongue
it shoves apart my teeth and i clench my aching jaw shut.
(you haven’t said I love you in the longest time)
it doesn’t have to be like this
i am ok i am ok you know that i want to just be friends
but it is hard when your fingers around me, well
well to be honest it’s just in my mind
i stop trying you disappear
testing my theory, oh god please don’t
prove my hypothesis , i can’t stand it no not one bit
why don’t you
miss me
the way i
miss you
and if you
do
why do you
seem
perfectly
wonderfully
fucking
happy without
me
when i am dying
in increments
hidden
tucked into the side
i am disappearing until you get here
this rib cracking gasping realization,
i fucking need you baby i need you with me,
i am gone i am gone i have given it everything i can
and it terrifies me i am more scared of anything in the world
i am scared i am scared
that you will never
never
get there that i will just fall away
and land face first on the hot cement
chip my teeth and break my nose and never repair the
internal damage.
but what other choices have i got left.
so please oh god please
love me enough to miss me achingly
love me enough to need me to breathe
get rid of this space give me back
the comfortable closeness it breaks my heart to have missing.
