So lonely

after all

this time

still so lonely

the sun

in the sky

reminds me

of what I'm not

the tree branches

whisper

they reminds me

of what i've lost

so lonely

after all

this time

still so lonely

the world turns

and the breeze

cartwheels

through my hair

the birds sing

and the fields

beckon

me to dance

head back

arms out

spinning

through the world

so lonely

after all

this time

i'm not lonely.

I grow more silent day by day

I'm worried my vocal chords will break

I'm worried of what you think of me

I'm worried to say what I believe

I'm worried these pants are too tight

I'm worried this shirt won't fit right (these words won't sound right)

I'm worried that you will forget me

I'm worried to say what I believe

All the words are torn and frayed

memories fade day by day

normal is a distant dream

I'm conscious of how soft I seem

you said you'd stay; you had to go

I don't know why; I'll never know

Hope aches here and then it leaves

I'm scared to say what I believe

Your lips

on the soft lines

of my veins

Nothing

ever can

stay the same

I'm worried it was all meaningless

I'm worried this hope is pointless

I'm worried this cycle will not end

I'm worried I let you mean too much

Days go on and I get dim

I hate these damn(/stupid) expectations

We could fall back easily

I'm worried to say what I believe

Your lips

on the soft lines

of my veins

Nothing

ever will

stay the same

I'm worried that I have lost my touch

I'm worried that I didn't mean much

I'm worried of what you think of me

I'm worried to say what I believe

Hope aches here and then it leaves

I'm scared to say what I believe

I'm worried that you will forget me

I'm worried to say what I believe

I'm worried that you will forget me

I'm worried to say what I believe.

starting out

you came to me

with broken bones

and everything

tied in a knot

around your throat

you said to breathe

you had to choke

between the cushions

died the ghost

of that knot

around your throat

you were happy

clear as day

you cried to leave

i cried to stay

pages of paper

my wedding gown

the years snuck by

without a sound

your face grew chiseled

my hair turned grey

you held my hand

i walked away

your demons fled

but here's the thing

they're still here

inside my ring

binding me

making me choke

i wear your knot

around my throat.

I miss sitting next to you guys
I miss the laughter
I miss the comfort
Now I'm 2000 miles away
Eight years away
An irreversible distance
And you're all still there
Together with no spaces
No creases to fill
And I would give anything
To go back one day
And have it all be the same
Just as I left it

Just like everyday of forever
She watched him walk, just walk, just walk
Infatuated by an apathy
Or patience of mock, of mock, of mock

Words that never satisfied
Her reasons to fall, to fall, to fall
But that glimpse of a single linger
Forced her to crawl, to crawl, to crawl

A sickening type of desire and lust
Blood so sweet, blood of rust
Always a chase, a race of rage
Both too stubborn to exit the cage

Touched by the grimm
He was faced with fate
Fearing the sickening rate
At which it was caving

Capabilities of passion
Fought with love and rage
Tearing out the page
Only to paste it in

And page by page
She caressed his corruption
With a soft hand
And a sharp tongue

And line by line
He slipped in suspension
Too dignified for love
Staying lonely, so lonely.

there are so few signs of you left and

i feel everything breaking

all the walls are being beaten down

smashing crumbling falling

one by one and it’s leaving me

ill and exposed

vulnerable in a way i swore i’d never

i didn’t want to be like this again.

i don’t want to let you break my heart

i don’t want to hate you

i don’t want to let you let me go

there isn’t much

i can’t do a thing to make this any different

i haven’t let it matter but it

drains me you know? it is

draining to talk to people who are

well i just want it back i just want

best friends, you know, your

definition sucks, i don’t like this

i don’t much care for it

i want nights on the phone and days spent together

that is reasonable

i don’t like this distance, what the hell

is it all changing for.

fuck you, you are hurting me

and you promised you promised baby you promised

WHY the question bursts from my lips and struggles against my tongue

it shoves apart my teeth and i clench my aching jaw shut.

(you haven’t said I love you in the longest time)

it doesn’t have to be like this

i am ok i am ok you know that i want to just be friends

but it is hard when your fingers around me, well

well to be honest it’s just in my mind

i stop trying you disappear

testing my theory, oh god please don’t

prove my hypothesis , i can’t stand it no not one bit

why don’t you

miss me

the way i

miss you

and if you

do

why do you

seem

perfectly

wonderfully

fucking

happy without

me

when i am dying

in increments

hidden

tucked into the side

i am disappearing until you get here

this rib cracking gasping realization,

i fucking need you baby i need you with me,

i am gone i am gone i have given it everything i can

and it terrifies me i am more scared of anything in the world

i am scared i am scared

that you will never

never

get there that i will just fall away

and land face first on the hot cement

chip my teeth and break my nose and never repair the

internal damage.

but what other choices have i got left.

so please oh god please

love me enough to miss me achingly

love me enough to need me to breathe

get rid of this space give me back

the comfortable closeness it breaks my heart to have missing.